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Sometimes I think I'm good.

Sometimes I feel like life goes on and I can roll with the punches.

....Sometimes I see your pictures, small memories of you.

....And sometimes I remember how much I love you.

....And sometimes I remember that I'm still trying my damndest to do whatever it takes to be back in your life.

....And sometimes I forget that I'm still at the starting line trying to get to my goals.

I'm sure you know that I still love you. I'm sure you can still feel it when you look my way.

I'll figure this out. I don't know how, but I will.

Missing you terribly....


Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part. God has you in his keeping, I have you in my heart.

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How weird...kinda goes with my earlier post...

stop waking me up!

The past 3 nights I've been woken up by dreams of her. They're mostly positive and I usually wake up right when it gets better. I can't say I hate it, but I can't help but think it means something. ugh...I think I'll just let it keep coming.

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I Hate These Quiet Times

“As I look back on all that's happened..growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me -- there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss you and how much I truly love you. The past may be gone forever..and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friend, it is with all my heart that I send you my love, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.”


...Le Sigh.

How Much Longer?

I hate this silence.
I hate that I have to live this life without you.
I hate that you don't want me around anymore.

How much longer do I have to wait to hear your voice again?
How much more hurt must I go through before we can just look into each other's eyes and just be right?

I know we're both in a new place now, new goals, new situations, but I can't help but think that my life was so much better with you around. This feeling's stripped me of my dignity and I've been going out of my mind trying to think of ways to make it better.

They say to just let it go, to forget what we had, and move forward. I'm not a switch to just be turned off and I'm not about to forget the one most influential person in my life. I need to refocus and remember why I'm working hard and remind myself why I'm doing what I'm doing.

...But as you requested, I will respect your space and leave you alone.

Darling I, I can't explain,
Where did we lose our way,
Girl it's driving me insane.
And I know I just need one more chance,
To prove my love to you.
And if you come back to me,
I'll guarantee,
That I'll never let you go.

Can we go back to the days
Our love was strong.
Can you tell me how
A perfect love goes wrong.
Can somebody tell me
How to get things back,
The way they used to be.
Oh God, give me the reason,
I'm down on bended knee.

I'll never walk again,
Until you come back to me,
I'm down on bended knee.

So many nights I dream of you.
Holding my pillow tight I know,
That I don't need to be alone.
When I open up my eyes,
To face reality,
Every moment without you,
It seems like eternity.
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me.

Can we go back to the days
Our love was strong.
Can you tell me how
A perfect love goes wrong.
Can somebody tell me
How to get things back,
The way they used to be.
Oh God, give me the reason,
I'm down on bended knee.

I'm gonna swallow my pride,
Say I'm sorry,
Stop pointing fingers,
The blame is on me.
I want a new life,
And I want it with you.
If you feel the same,
Don't ever let it go.
You gotta believe in the spirit of love,
It will heal all things,
Won't hurt any more.
No, I don't believe our love's terminal.
I'm down on my knees,
Begging you please,
Come home.

Can we go back to the days
Our love was strong.
Can you tell me how
A perfect love goes wrong.
Can somebody tell me
How to get things back,
The way they used to be.
Oh God, give me the reason,
I'm down on bended knee.

I'll never walk again,
Until you come back to me,
I'm down on bended knee.

People born under the zodiac sign of Taurus display the qualities of consistency, dependability and commitment. They are extremely dedicated individuals, who love nature and its beauty. Serene locales, surrounded by the calm beauty of nature, make up their idea of a perfect date. In the relationship between two Taureans, the chances of compatibility are pretty high. This is because they share some basic personality traits, which makes it easier for them to understand as well as appreciate each other.

However, the mutual traits of stubbornness and inflexibility may create some problems in this love match. Both of them are prone to stick to their individual opinions, even at the cost of domestic harmony. However, if they learn to look at each other's point of view in a more appreciative manner, this small hurdle can easily be crossed. Since both of them tend to be quite stable and reluctant to indulge in much adventure, the relationship may turn monotonous.

In the monetary area, there will be no problems as both of them will be quite cautious. Even though the excitement level in this zodiac match is low, it will be duly compensated by the warmth and comfort that they share. Theirs will one of those fairytale stories where there is always love and affection. There may be occasional bouts of jealousy and possessiveness, but since the Bull is extremely loyal, they will pass over soon.

However, both of them will have to control their stubbornness and try to bend a little every now and then. If they manage to overcome their rigidity, the match between two Taurus individuals will turn out to be one of the most compatible. Each one of them will be there when the other needs him/her. Their relationship will be full of romance, love, care, concern and loyalty. They just have to remember their flaws and work on them sincerely.

I'm having a hard time dealing with all of this. my emotions are all over the place...

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''Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it.''
-Curtis Judalet

''Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same.''
-CourtneyJo Wright

''I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.''
-Marilyn Monroe

''Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.''
-David Pratt

''The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most.''

''If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings.''
-Lisa Moriyama

''There are very few people who are not ashamed of having been in love when they no longer love each other.''
-Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld

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My Journey

We will never know where our roads will lead us, but we will always be able to steer ourselves in the right direction.

These recent turn of events for me has brought about a new trek through a journey of self awareness. I have begun and yet I know not what drives me, but what emotions hold me down. My heart has been severely broken, and although I didn't react like my last heartbreak, the pain is nonetheless just as painful and just as emotionally and physically taxing. I haven't had a decent meal in a while and I feel my heart being wrenched. I feel lost even though I know what direction I need to make to get my short-term goals set. It's all so confusing and yet so understandable.

There are things that I've known about myself and I'm not sure whether or not the answer is to let these aspects of myself go or to stand by these feelings and be true to myself. I know that I love like there's no tomorrow; that to be me is to nurture and love everyone else before my own self. I've been told to do what makes me happy. Of course I can do that: draw a picture, write poetry, play paintball, hang out with friends, write music, play video games, and the list goes on and on. However, my true happiness lies in loving other people, especially to the one I find myself bonded to. I know that I give all of myself all too freely. Do I hold onto these set of values or do I sacrifice them in order to succeed in life? Or have I already succeeded by being all of these things? It seems to me that being all of these things are a blessing and a curse, all at the same time. I cannot comprehend why when I feel like I'm doing the right thing, I'm in turn doing wrong.

There are things that, due to my recent issues, I've just learned about myself and the people around me. I've learned that my real friends are there for me. I've learned that people will smile and be nice to you and when the time comes for you to seek solace in their wisdom, they're nowhere to be found. I learned that all I want are answers when I feel like I'm not in control. I learned that being a ''good boyfriend'' isn't the only thing it takes to continue a great relationship.

...And the one thing I learned that the one thing that I fear the most - being alone - is the only thing I'm going to need to make me stronger. I'm scared. I don't want to fail at love, at life, and at my career. It's funny...I'm moving to Las Vegas to be me and to get my life straight, and I'll be doing it all by myself...all alone.

I want so badly to be ''me'' and the price I paid to do so was costly. It cost me my love and the one thing I learned is that in life, there are no guarantees.

Love is a dangerous thing - you give too much and you get hurt, you give too little and you get much of the same. It's about finding that balance.

And to you, my love...I found that balance in you and I'm so sorry that it took me so long to realize that, along with taking so long in everything else. I don't know where our roads will lead, but I will achieve with all I am to steer it in the right direction.

On a side note, I started this passage because I was feeling aggravated because of all the negativity that was surrounding me. Now I'm done and I feel like I've let it all go. I can now sleep well. The weight's been lifted, if only for a night.

Goodnight, world.

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