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My Journey

We will never know where our roads will lead us, but we will always be able to steer ourselves in the right direction.

These recent turn of events for me has brought about a new trek through a journey of self awareness. I have begun and yet I know not what drives me, but what emotions hold me down. My heart has been severely broken, and although I didn't react like my last heartbreak, the pain is nonetheless just as painful and just as emotionally and physically taxing. I haven't had a decent meal in a while and I feel my heart being wrenched. I feel lost even though I know what direction I need to make to get my short-term goals set. It's all so confusing and yet so understandable.

There are things that I've known about myself and I'm not sure whether or not the answer is to let these aspects of myself go or to stand by these feelings and be true to myself. I know that I love like there's no tomorrow; that to be me is to nurture and love everyone else before my own self. I've been told to do what makes me happy. Of course I can do that: draw a picture, write poetry, play paintball, hang out with friends, write music, play video games, and the list goes on and on. However, my true happiness lies in loving other people, especially to the one I find myself bonded to. I know that I give all of myself all too freely. Do I hold onto these set of values or do I sacrifice them in order to succeed in life? Or have I already succeeded by being all of these things? It seems to me that being all of these things are a blessing and a curse, all at the same time. I cannot comprehend why when I feel like I'm doing the right thing, I'm in turn doing wrong.

There are things that, due to my recent issues, I've just learned about myself and the people around me. I've learned that my real friends are there for me. I've learned that people will smile and be nice to you and when the time comes for you to seek solace in their wisdom, they're nowhere to be found. I learned that all I want are answers when I feel like I'm not in control. I learned that being a ''good boyfriend'' isn't the only thing it takes to continue a great relationship.

...And the one thing I learned that the one thing that I fear the most - being alone - is the only thing I'm going to need to make me stronger. I'm scared. I don't want to fail at love, at life, and at my career. It's funny...I'm moving to Las Vegas to be me and to get my life straight, and I'll be doing it all by myself...all alone.

I want so badly to be ''me'' and the price I paid to do so was costly. It cost me my love and the one thing I learned is that in life, there are no guarantees.

Love is a dangerous thing - you give too much and you get hurt, you give too little and you get much of the same. It's about finding that balance.

And to you, my love...I found that balance in you and I'm so sorry that it took me so long to realize that, along with taking so long in everything else. I don't know where our roads will lead, but I will achieve with all I am to steer it in the right direction.

On a side note, I started this passage because I was feeling aggravated because of all the negativity that was surrounding me. Now I'm done and I feel like I've let it all go. I can now sleep well. The weight's been lifted, if only for a night.

Goodnight, world.

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